Why Letting Go is Actually the Hardest Shit Ever & How to Do it

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Have you ever heard that in order for things to come to you or for you to move on from someone, you just need to “let go” and trust the process? 

Do you wonder how to actually do this?

While it is true that the act of letting go is the key for allowing your manifestations to flourish, it’s much easier said than done.

Although every article and YouTube video can show you how to begin this process, I am going to tell you right now, that shit ain’t easy. It’s actually very mentally draining and challenging to the ego to try and let something go and surrender to the process. And I am only telling you this so you can ironically begin the actual process of letting go by accepting the challenging part.

Why can it be so challenging?

So, here’s the thing.

Attachment is the root of all suffering.

The ego tends to cling and/or attach to people, experiences or things for it’s survival and validation, and creates a sense of identity from them. So letting go for the ego could mean death, and the ego does not want to die.

However, this is why letting go is a process, it’s not meant to be an overnight change and sudden death for the ego (unless you want to do like 5g of shrooms or an Ayahuasca retreat). But rather, a consistent learning application, to which the ego can slowly feel safer letting go of something.

It’s easy for the mind and ego to hear the words “letting go” and “surrender” and associate them with fear, defeat, or just giving up. 

But what letting go and surrender really means is just accepting the reality of the situation, not trying to change it or fix it, because you can’t. You let go of the inner resistance that you have towards the situation.

Once you accept the situation, you can either let it go, take action on it, or leave. 

Let’s take the most common situation that requires letting go: a breakup. 

The breakup has happened. There is no going back and changing it. There is no going back and fixing it. The mind is projecting it’s conditioned fears and creating resistance to the situation by ruminating on what you could’ve done differently, but you literally can’t do anything differently now. And that’s where acceptance comes in, realizing and accepting that it has already been done, there is no changing the situation. You release inner resistance to what is. Now you can let it go, learn from it, and move on.  By not accepting this, you will suffer. 

Surrender and letting go does not mean that you give up and can not take action to become better. It’s actually the opposite. You internally accept the situation, and then take action from there. You accept that you want to become better. 

Eckhart Tolle uses a great analogy for this. Let’s say you’re stuck in the mud. Letting go of inner resistance does not mean that you stay in the mud or accept an undesirable situation, it just simply means that you accept that you are stuck in the mud, and you recognize fully that you want to get out of it. Now you can make a clear decision without mental resistance, emotional negativity, or judgement, and can take positive action on getting out of the mud.  

Okay, so that all seems to make sense, now how the fuck do I even begin to let go? 

The trick is this; it’s all about practice. 

Here is what I mean by that. 

Practice focusing on what you do want, instead of focusing on what you do not want.

When your mind becomes focused on the things you do not want to happen, then the mind will automatically try to find evidence to continue and confirm this narrative within your current reality.

When you focus on the things that you do want in life, then you are creating room for these things to reflect in your outer world. 

It’s a consistent practice of letting go of small things, day by day. The practice could even be as small as releasing resistance from plans changing, or from road raging on someone who cut you off in traffic. Simply start by recognizing the resistance within you that does not want to let go, and accept it. 

A great way to practice surrendering is by doing the letting go technique created by David Hawkins

Personally, the consistent practice of this technique has transformed my mental, emotional, physical, and spiritual health. This is basically a method where you have to feel your feelings and all the pain in your body instead of intellectualizing or judging it, and just letting the feeling be there so it can pass. Here is what you will do: 

Step 1: Find a quiet place. This is important, no distractions, just you. 

Step 2: Start breathing into your body. Allow any and ALL feelings, mentally and physically, to come up. If you start crying, don’t try to stop it. If you start aching in your body somewhere, allow it to ache. Realize that these are FEELINGS, and there are NO bad feelings, that’s the truth. The sooner you are able to convince your mind about this truth, the better. Allow the shame and guilt to just be there, allow the anger, fear, sadness, and whatever undesirable feeling to just be there. 

Step 3: Don’t take your thoughts seriously. Allow the thoughts to be there. Try to put all of your focus on your body or the area of distress so that your mind doesn’t have room to run. If you are anxious and you feel that in the chest, breathe into your chest, and keep breathing into it until it slowly starts to subside. you can put on a timer for 15-20 minutes if that feels easier for you. Don’t get frustrated with yourself if you are not immediately able to sit still and be with the feeling, this is the ego trying to escape and avoid unwanted feelings. And remember, this takes PRACTICE.  

Step 4: once you let this feeling run its course, you can choose to let it go. 

Here is a more in depth article and explanation of this practice. Do this at least twice a day, once in the morning and at night before you go to bed, and you can start with 10-15 minutes at a time.

The most vital step in the process of surrendering is staying present. Surrendering is accepting your present moment fully. 

If you are worried about the future, or stuck on a situation in the past, then you are not surrendering to the now, or staying present. 

Consistent meditation is a great tool to stay present within yourself. This helps you to get into your body more, and out of the incessant stream of thought.  

Another simple technique to get into the present moment is by rubbing your hands together or feeling something, and putting all of your focus onto the feeling. When you put all of your mind’s focus onto the feeling, it does not have any room to incessantly overthink. 

Your ego will fight hard to get away from the present moment, investigate this. Why is it fighting so hard to avoid the present moment? Is it avoiding unwanted feelings? Pay attention to this.

Surrendering is just accepting the present moment for what it is, and letting go of the outcome. How ironic is it that the more we relax the more we receive? And the more we try to force things to happen, the more it resists? The more that we flow with the rhythm of life instead of trying to control it, is when real transformation can begin. 

 

196 thoughts on “Why Letting Go is Actually the Hardest Shit Ever & How to Do it”

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