Why I Wish You Nothing but Love & Light

150 Comments / All About Healing / By

I used to feel a bat eating pit form in my gut anytime your name popped in my mind,

I was in a heartache rut, and my brain couldn’t stand thinking that maybe you were all I could find.

The tension and anxiety of that one traumatic night would take over my entire body,

the memory of it filled me with fright, and the feeling was hard-copied at the front desk inside of my system’s internal lobby.

Block. Block. Block.

Please get the fuck out of my head.  I am blocking you from all social media instead.

you have to stop spreading your shades of red all over my internal dread.

I need to see the light again through this dark, enclosed den,

and that means that I have to make amends with myself first before I can stand the thought of ever seeing you again.

They say don’t be sad that it’s over, but be happy that it happened.

But what if I am sad that it’s over, and sad that it happened?

Fuck, I know that’s not how it’s supposed to be,

Shit, when will this fucking feeling just fucking flee?

They say to just wish the people you feel hurt by nothing but love and light,

but what if forgiveness seems impossible at this fucking time in my life?

But also, what if that’s okay?

That I can’t find the strength right now to just “love” you away?

For right now, this where I will stay, I need to learn how to love myself first anyways.

I am the one who will never leave me when things go astray.

So that’s what I did, I sat with this anger and validated it’s cry,

as I did, the feelings finally started to slowly pass by.

I healed, and I put myself first.

I recognized my own patterns, my own wrongdoings that lead me to feel this hurt,

and I realized something that I never thought I could still do.

And that’s the strength to still love you.

And not in a romantic way where I need you back into my life,

but more in the way where I don’t mind thinking about you.

Where I don’t mind if you now have a wife, or if you are someone that I just run into.

Because loving myself first means that the happiness that I feel within me is the happiness that I want for you.

Maybe you weren’t so bad after all,

You were a part of my path for a reason,

you were called so I can enter my next season.

Suddenly, I am smiling, and crying tears of gratitude,

because I finally see through the ego’s attitude,

and I realize why I needed that long period of solitude.

So here I am, astonished that this feeling could feel so right,

that feeling of wishing you nothing but love and light.

150 thoughts on “Why I Wish You Nothing but Love & Light”

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