How it REALLY feels to Heal & Awaken

Do you ever wonder how best to answer the basic question “How are you?”

You haven’t? Maybe you’re not going through an existential crisis after a spiritual awakening while also trying to heal (wheewww try saying that 5 times fast).

Lately I have been getting a lot of “How are you’s?” and “How’s life?” questions.

Well life is good, but it also feels like my head is getting forcefully slammed and smothered in the mud while I try to breathe and fight my way out of this grip. So like good, but also transforming and feeling like death at the same time? So I guess I am doing well?

Yeah, we will just go with that.

If this is relatable to you, you are not fucking alone. Holy shit. I think my main intention on writing this is so that I don’t feel so alone in this.

It seems like rarely anyone talks about the absolute gut fuck of what healing can feel like and what going through a spiritual awakening truly entails. I mainly see articles and Instagram reels on how to heal and the steps you can take for it, which is great and needed. But what about how it feels to really heal and go through an awakening?

I love analogies, so I’ll use this one to explain an awakening.

It’s like the movie The Truman Show. Take this metaphor from this reddit post.

“Truman lives in what is essentially an imagined reality. He believes his world to be “real” and experiences it as real.

-Truman gets a few glimpses “beyond the veil” and begins to question what he previously thought was real.

-Truman embarks on a search for truth. In order to discover what is really true he must confront what he has previously avoided (water).

-Having faced and passed through his fear, Truman discovers the truth about himself and the world around him.”

You felt so “happy” being unconscious and doing your daily routine and just going on about life. Life felt easier being ignorant sometimes. Then some events happen that make you question what your life really is, but still ignore them to avoid feeling delulu. Then a MAJOR event happens and you can no longer ignore the signs and are forced to question life. You are forced to go through an identity shift, and from there, you are never the same.

You choose the path less traveled because you know it will be worth it, but you are going to find out some things that truly disturb you, lose some people that you wonder if you ever really knew them at all, family members will ask what you are smoking, you will question your entire life and the conditions that were imposed upon you. You realize you have been the product of manipulation and unconsciousness. You awaken. There’s bliss, but there is also pain and grief from the illusion that your ego thought life was and who you were. Your ego dying feels like you are dying.

Your eyes are constantly red and puffy from crying over either looking at a flower and realizing nature’s true essence or realizing the unconsciousness on this Earth and/or really digging into your core wounds that you have suppressed since you were a child.

You have headaches from the constant overthinking and trying to navigate the ego, you suddenly get that overwhelming “doom” feeling, you try to remain positive and rewire negative thoughts but the ego is fighting hard, you feel legitimately INSANE. Like you have literally lost your mind, that you are crazy. You do not know who you actually are anymore behind all of the conditioned identities that you have for yourself and what others have projected onto you, and it is truly terrifying.

I understand why many people continue to distract themselves from the many, hard truths of life and their own shadow. This healing shit is not easy, yo. This awakening shit is not all love and light. This shit is fucking Sparta, and that’s an understatement.

However, despite the challenges to become more conscious, I would choose to go down this path of suffering from awakening and healing over the suffering of remaining unconscious any fucking day.

So why is it so worth it?

You come back home to yourself. You hold more compassion. You feel deeply. You love harder. You discover your true nature that lies under the ego and mind created identities. You do not continue to unconsciously hurt others or yourself due to your lack of awareness. You are more conscious of your role within this realm. You no longer unnecessarily suffer due to the resistance of what is meant for you. You help to expand Earth’s consciousness by raising your own and healing. You see through the illusion. You truly connect with others on a more conscious level, not just a subservient oh you like Olivia Rodrigo too, we’re automatically friends level. You attract higher vibrational experiences and people into your life. You are awake. And no, I don’t mean that in an egotistical “sheep” vs “lion” metaphor where everyone else is just inferior to you now that you have awakened.

You realize that most of human suffering is self inflicted. You realize that you do have a choice in suffering, and healing is that choice.

Sometimes, healing hurts more than the wounds that were inflicted upon you, but you have to go through it to get to the other side.

Take the story of Hercules for example.

He fought many battles physically and won. He trained, he got better. He was on his Rocky shit.

He then thought this qualified him as being a “God” and thought he was ready to join his dad in the heavens with the rest of the elite. Until his dad, Zeus, told him that he was not ready, and the ultimate test is the emotional and mental test, not the physical challenges.

That’s where the real fucking challenge and growth comes in.

Hercules only then became a God when he was put to the test emotionally, and then came out sacrificing himself for love.

Now I am not saying you need to literally go see Hades and battle literal demons that way, but metaphorically, you kind of do.

You look into your shadow, and realize that it is actually not that scary, it just needed love and understanding too. You learn to integrate it with love and realize some of your biggest strengths come from the shadow.

Listen to it, it may know a thing or two about you. Don’t run away from the dark, cringey, and societally rejected parts of yourself, learn to observe them and understand their origin.

No, you will not act on your intrusive thoughts, just observe them without trying to change them, and you will realize that they hold no power unless you give it to them.

However you are feeling my dear friend, it is very valid, and you are not crazy, or whatever arbitrary term that has been made up to deter us from actually feeling our feelings and understanding the truth.

You know the truth, you have awakened. You are seeing reality for what is really is. Once you realize this truth, you can free your self from incessant anxieties and worries. You will see that most people who are unconscious or not awakened yet are trapped in a mental prison of constant illusory problems on life situations, but cannot quite see outside of their situations, and see what their actual life is. Anxiety and worry are ego created patterns that keep you locked in. Once you realize that you are not your thoughts and more than just a physical body and your ego, you are free.